Baby!Phil and Thor
So it looks like a buddy of mine has a new roommate for the night.
The two men hover over the baby changing station.
"You do it," Nick says.
"I did it last time," Phil protests.
"I’m ordering you to do it,” Nick says.
Phil’s eyes slowly narrow. “I’m sorry, did you just order me to do something in our bedroom?”
Nick grumbles to himself and doesn’t say anything further. Okay, so he doesn’t have the authority to order him to do anything when they’re both in pajamas and half-asleep and standing over a fussy baby with a full diaper.
"Remind me why I didn’t order someone else to take care of the kid?" Nick sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face.
"Because you wisely decided that leaving the fate of a de-aged Strike Team Delta to anyone else would be a very, very bad idea?" Phil answers, reaching for a fresh diaper.
"I’m gonna find some way to make Barton and Romanoff pay for this," Nick says.
"It’s not their fault," Phil reminds him.
"No, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve been changing diapers and warming bottles for the past week," Nick grouses. "God dammit Phil, a baby bjorn does not add to my fucking look.”
Phil snorts, rolling his eyes. He leans over and kisses his husband on the cheek.
"Get him changed and quieted down for me," Phil says, "and when you come back to bed I’ll blow you."
"Give me the damn diaper."
when teachers start lecturing the whole class about how they’re wasting so much of their time, and end up just wasting even more time
THIS IS AMAZING
I DIDN’T REALIZE I WANTED IT UNTIL I STARTED WRITING IT AND I COULDN’T STOP
Andrew can’t take it any more. It’s bad enough that he’s got some crazy, superpowered stalker, but he’d practically been laughed out of the police station. He hadn’t even been allowed to explain just why this woman is so dangerous before they’d decided this wasn’t a case worth their time. Apparently, he was expected to “man up” and take care of the situation himself.
He feels his heart leap into his throat when there’s a knock at the door. Grabbing the small, souvenir baseball bat propped against the door, he peeks out from behind the curtains. There’s a woman on his doorstep, but not the one he’d been afraid of finding. This woman is small, plain, her brown hair pulled up in a simple, tidy bun. She waits patiently with her hands folded before her, seemingly prepared to stand there as long as need be.
Relieved, but still unwilling to put the bat down, he unlocks the front door and cracks it open.
"Can I help you?" he asks.
"Andrew Nathan?" the woman inquires.
"Mr. Nathan, I’m Agent Phil Coulson with S.H.I.E.L.D.," the woman introduces herself.
She holds up a badge for him to see for himself. Andrew reads the name COULSON, PHILOMENA J. printed in bold letters at the bottom beside a picture of the woman he sees before him.
"What does S.H.I.E.L.D. want with me?" Andrew asks.
"I hear you’ve been receiving some unwanted attention," Phil says. She smiles softly, her expression reassuring as her blue-grey eyes crinkle at the corners. "I’d like to help."
Andrew isn’t sure just what it is, but something about this woman—something about her face—says he can trust her. Says that he should trust her. He pulls the door open wider.
They sit around the table in silence. As it stands, Bucky is currently in Phil’s body, Phil is in Steve’s body and Steve is in Bucky’s body. After being poked and prodded by S.H.I.E.L.D. medical for god only knows how long, they’d finally been allowed to go home.
"We just have to remain positive," Phil says, breaking the silence. "This could have turned out far worse."
"You know, you’re right," Bucky says. Steve can’t say he’s ever seen that particularly mischievous look on Phil’s face before, so he can only wonder what Bucky is up to. "I think we’ve been presented with a particularly unique opportunity."
Skeptic, Steve leans back in his seat, folding his arms over his chest and vaguely noting how it’s not quite the same when one of them is metal.
"And just what opportunity is that?" he asks.
"We should fuck," Bucky says.
It’s not as though they don’t do that already, but he kind of sees what Bucky’s getting at. He expects Phil to object, but when he turns to look, the man is already out of his seat.
"Bed," the agent says, the authoritative edge of Steve’s voice coloring his words. "Now.”